Thursday, June 2, 2011

Just because I'm not like you, doesn't make me wrong.

As a parent, I've learned one very important thing. There are THOUSANDS of different parenting styles. Well, which is only appropriate for the different children.

A lot of the thing I do (as a parent, and a person) are more "unconventional" but that doesn't mean it's wrong. Just because one person thinks it's crazy and would never work for their family/situation, doesn't mean that I'm doing something wrong for my family/situation.

One thing I have learned that WORKS is natural consequences. This is tough love people! But, it is teaching my daughter that she has the responsibility to own up to the choice she just made. I promise, that it has an effect on  the choices made the next time the opportunity presents itself.

It's easier for me to see my kid upset by the direct effects of her choices, than just run around spanking her all the time!

There are so many ADULTS who are un-able to handle their own emotions, and frustrations. It's sad to see adults acting out like a 2 year old to get what they want. All because they were never told no. Or they were able to manipulate their way in to whatever they wanted their whole life. These people usually aren't very favored by others. No one wants to be around a full grown toddler........ They usually are unsuccessful, and unfavored.

Seeing this only makes me realize that I want a child/person who can handle "life". I want her to know that she will sometimes hear "No" and it's okay. She can find success somewhere else. It will challenge her to go above and beyond. Instead of throwing a temper tantrum, and looking for handouts. 

Even at a young age she is learning so many things that will go with her through the rest of her life. For this I am proud.

It's okay to let your kids do for themselves. It's okay to let go a little, and let them explore, and LEARN. She will mess up. I will mess up. But that is the best way of learning! I don't expect her to be perfect, but I do expect her to TRY!

Right now, she is playing in her balls. She ask me if she could dump them out. I said "Of course you can, but you must pick them all up." And I know that she knows she has to, because she did yesterday. So instead of getting in a frenzy of " OMG there are a million balls all over the room" I just let her do it. She know that she has to clean them up afterwards. How exhilarating for a toddler??? For once, she is not hearing the word "no" when most of the time, she may hear it when dumping a massive amount of anything out!

We are working on eliminating the word "CAN'T" from our vocabulary. It's hard to teach her to quit saying,when I say it. So this is a learning process for all of us!

So when she says "Mommy, I can't!" I correct her and say " Yes, you can, you just need help" I have learned through this experience that I can always find another way to phrase my sentence so that the word cant is gone.

When we were learning to use the potty, Anisten would be playing or watching tv(something distractable) and just pee on the floor. I know that she knows the sensation, and that she knows when to go, but she was refusing to stop what she was doing, and go. So my solution to this? She has to clean up her mess. And it was a LONG DRAWN OUT PROCESS. I didn't help once. (until she was no longer looking, I would "clean clean" it) I would show her where the towels were. She had to wipe it up. Then she had to put it in the washer, and start the washer. I made it as long of a process as possible. She didn't mind at all, in the beginning, but she was grumbling and whining about doing it after the 4th or 5th time ..... Now, we're over a week free of accidents and almost sleeping with out a diaper! She learned that it was easier, and faster to just go potty and run back to what she was doing. Other than having the tv turned off while she cleaned.
Did I feel terrible while she had to clean it up? Yes, I felt like a horrible drill sargent parent. But now, I'm so happy we did. She had to clean up maybe 10 accidents, but it was a lesson learned!!!! This is where the judgmental parenting comes in--- But, again, Just becuase I'm not like you, doesn't make me wrong. 

I had no intention of even introducing potty training until 2 and half years old. That's still 5 months from now. But she showed interest, so we just took our cues from her.

I've learned that more than anything, as she changes, I have to change. I have to constantly stay on my game and up my parenting! I'm constantly looking up things for her age. We are always introducing new and stimulating things to do that are good for her brain, motor skills, and that are just plain fun!

So, parents you do what works for you and your child! Not what everyone else thinks you should do. Because what works for one, may not work for another. 

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