I know, you're all judging....right.. now.
But I'm not a horrible parent. This was actually the hardest decision I have made as a parent! But it's my choice, and I have the final say in where she goes and what she does.
I am not really one to pawn off my kid every second I can for my own selfish reasons. I actually enjoy my daughter. I don't look at her as a burden or too much to handle. While she can be a handful some days, I knew that the second I knew I was going to become a parent. I actually look forward to spending my days off with her. Thinking of all kinds of activities to do with her, instead of plopping her down in front of the tv, or a bunch of toys, so that I'm able to have "my day off" ... i've learned that there is no "day off" when you're a parent. Every once in a while you may get a little vacation, but you can't just take days off from being a parent.
Anyways...... So like I said this was the toughest decision to make. I thought about it long and hard before deciding that she is ready to go 5 days with out me. She is independent and secure. She knows that I would not send her somewhere that she will be harmed. She is adaptable. I think that this is so important! She will find much success if she can adapt easier. I started very young introducing her to different people, and environments, activities. She was 4 or 5 months old the 1st time she rode on a big john deer tractor... And to this day she loves to go to her Nanny's house and ask "I wide? I wide?" on the tractor. She is not too dependable on me. We work very hard to teach her independence. We let her try to figure things out on her own. And while she may become frustrated, she does it. I know that many mothers have a hard time with their kids growing in to independence, and therefore they will stunt that for their own need to be needed, but while I love being everything she needs, there comes a time where she has to learn to be secure in her own abilities. And when she is 25 she will thank me. I don't want my fears or insecurities to stop her from doing anything that she may want to do. And this was a big step for me too. She WANTED to go. She told me bye bye, she cried when she thought her paw paw was getting in the car with out her. She skyped me last night and thought the scotch tape she was unraveling was much cooler than seeing and hearing me! So this was definitely more about me, and my fears.
Well, I cried yesterday and maybe went in to a mild depression. (not really) But I was pretty somber most of the day.
I started my day off with a run all by myself. I put on my favorite Kari Jobe music and took off for about 45 minutes by myself. I cried some more. All the while realizing so many things that I just wrote in the paragraph above.
I also just scanned my brain thinking of everything I need to do! i'll have 2 or 3 full days off with out my little love bug following me around the house in my feeble attempt to clean it!
So a few things I will do while she is gone...........
- Clean, and I mean clean my house.
- Take a picture of my clean house
- Organize my "junk room" and make it a descent office, and guest bedroom
- Take the dogs for a walk more than once this week.
- Go to the runner's store and let them analyze my run, and suggest new shoes. ( really you can't do this on your day off with a small child..What would I do with her while I do this?)
- Run in the morning with my husband.
- Get my hair done....Maybe a facial?
- Maybe/hopefully get my Christmas shopping done.