Loving the life of inconvenience.

I learn from other parents.
I learn from the good ones and the bad ones.
If you know a little about me, then you know that I'm a very observant person!  I like to pick what I do and don't like from all different types of parents and apply it to my parenting style.

One thing I know as a parent. It's not easy. And it shouldn't be isn't convenient. I knew from the moment that I found out I was pregnant that my life would change in a great way! I knew that I wouldn't just be adding a child to my world, like an accessory, but that my child would be my world.  This is where many parents and I differ. I want nothing more than to be able to teach my own children the ways of life.

Healthy life style choices like  food, physical activities, and extra curricular activities,balance,consequences,social skills,confidence,independence are far more important than any convenience out there!

It's not easy.

I will tell you what is easy.

• It's very easy to turn on the TV and plop my 2 year old in front of it while I get dinner made. 

It's not easy letting her sit and help me make dinner. Along with a great big mess! ;-)  But in return she will learn to not only to feed herself and family -later in life- she will learn how to make great choices when doing so. She will know that chopping veggies for 30 minutes is very inconvenient but so very worth it, to have a happy healthy family with full bellies!

• It's is easy to drive through the drive through every night/morning/afternoon to get something, instead of planning ahead to have a wonderful dinner or snack made that evening. But, I want her to know more than anything, she is worth the inconvenience.   

It's not convenient to work 4 days a week, and have all 3 days off with her home. On top of running my own business, and keeping things a float at home, it's a lot to juggle. I also give up a lot of luxury things like: eating out- a convenience and  Extra vacations.

We love to do these things of course, like anyone else, but I get to spend so much time with my baby, that I don't feel like I need extra vacations to do so. Eating out has become a special treat! We do so, every so often, but I'm so happy that we chose to eat in and enjoy family dinner time. It's time that we can't ever get back! 

• It is easy to drop her off and hope they teach her all she needs to know. 

It is not easy to read books and play puzzles after a long day on my feet.

It is not easy to let her sit and make a massive mess(that I know I'll have to pick up later!) with paint, play dough, sand, or markers! But the things she is learning, along with the quality time we share is absolutely invaluable!

• It is easy to tell her " no, don't do that! " just because she will be making, yet another, large mess. This is where she learns her independent play time.

I want to be able to look back and remember all the things we did together. All the crafts that we spent hours making a mess doing. I want to look back at the times we play dress up. The times when we feed her babies dinner.

I don't want to look back and think " We watch all of those movies together" or " Wow, she's great on that video game" ( Not that these things are bad in moderation)

I spend an enormous amount of time cleaning up a mess, preparing dinner after dinner, chasing a 2 year old around, driving to the store for more crafts, or taking a walk around the block to get out of the house to find things that we can do!

I love my life of inconvenience! People have said, " having a kid is hard! And you're going to do it again?"  You bet! I am not looking to have a life of "easy parenting" I am looking to have amazing children, whom I want to spend so much of my time with!! I love seeing her develop and blossom in to a beautiful little girl. I want more than anything to do it again. Is it going to be easy? Heck no. But again, if I'm going to parent, it's the one things I will NOT shortcut on. Ever. I will never look for the easy road- There isn't (or shouldn't) be one.

I'm fortunate enough to only have to work 3-4 days a week - Which means less day care time and I'm more than okay with that! It means less money to spend on frivolous things. It means Less luxury.- None of these things hold value in comparison. It means the world to me! I'm so happy that, even with much sacrifice, I am able to stay home so much with my baby(s) and not just be part of of their world, but their ENTIRE world! I wouldn't have it any other way. I'll have plenty of time to have the finer things of life, materialistically. But if I'm being honest, I already do.  The little things like seeing your baby walk or talk or learn something new for the first time- Those are my finer things in life.

I have what so many people are lacking. Love.

I know that other people's lifestyles and children('s needs). This is what works for ME. I have too soon realized that I will NEVER get this time back. Ever. So what works for us, may not work for others. And visa versa. But I certainly do know that as a society we have learned to raise our children out of  convenience. When in reality, there is nothing convenient about it. I never want my child to feel like an "after thought". Our marriage and our children will always hold top priority over anything else! Even when it's at such a great cost of ourselves.

Dear Parents, Parent.

I was walking through the parking lot at  the pool today, and passed a car with a mother yelling as loud as she can at her child. It caught my attention, so I listened further. (Even though I was getting farther away from the vehicle I could still hear WHAT she was saying) This is what she was saying

" SIT DOWN RIGHT NOW! WE HAVE TO TAKE YOUR DIAPER OFF! SIT DOWN!!!"

Oh, my. I was instantly saddened. If your child is small enough to wear diapers, then you do NOT need to be yelling at your child like this. Really, ever.

Let me start by saying. Yes, I very much understand those days where melt down city is just a block over. I understand the days where I need to put myself in time out for 5 minutes away from my child, because she will not stop crying and demanding things. Thankfully, we don't have many days like this! But, I have had them.

Now, having said that. Is there any reason to publicly yell at your child in such an abusive tone? I'm sure the lady loved her kids, but that didn't sound like a very loving sound to me. The child was probably worn out from being out side  at (and probably babysat by) the pool. But these are things that as parents, we have to LEARN to deal with. Ouch, there it is...we have to actually learn something? What? Yes, learn how to not only have control of the situation and child, but yourself.

I just can't help but wonder. Why do some people have kids? I guess it's sometimes not planned, and I certainly understand that. But, there are lots of people who want, and actively try to have kids, and just act like they are the biggest inconvience in their world.

New flash. You have kids, your world is no longer YOURS. It's shared with an amazing child that you've brought to life! Enjoy and celebrate that.

Sigh. I swear I don't just sit around and judge other parents! But, it's such a big part of my life, that I notice it so much now. Kinda like hair. I am a hairdresser, so I am usually the first to notice bad hair, or appreciate great hair!

Do you see a lot of poor parenting?

Counting my blessings.

Yesterday...

I spent the morning creating "dinner" with play dough while having my morning coffee.

I shared a late morning snack of blueberries, and strawberries.

I made sand animals.

I played in the water at the splash pad.

I made a pink and purple tinker bell bubble bath.

I had a tea party.

I did a puzzle.

I read winnie the pooh 3 times before prayers.

I ate an imaginary dinner.
I loved every second of it!

I realized yesterday while enjoying every single second of my day with my daughter how blessed I truly am! Not only am I able to spend 4 days off with my sweet girl, but I enjoy and look forward to those days. Thinking of fun ways to spend the day with a very brilliant, imaginative 2 year old!

While running around the splash pad yesterday, I quickly realized I was the only adult playing with my child.. I also realized that so many parents use events or places (or movies etc...) as a babysitter. How sad? Our kids are kids for such a short amount of time. Why waste that time? There was one mom sitting on her rump eating Mc Donald's and smoking her cigarette, while occasionally yelling demeaning commands to her children. Another set of women sat in the shade 30 feet away from the splash pad gossiping. 2 other parents read their books in the comfort of their air conditioned car.  REALLY???  And we wonder why our kids crave that connection and attention.

I was so saddened by this, that I haven't stopped thinking about it all day today. I truly just love playing and being with my daughter. I love to watch her learn, and grow. I've been able to spend the extra time in the floor with her doing a puzzle. Or getting messy with a ton of paint. I'm so thankful for that!

I love planning things to do on our days off  and vacations packed with fun filled activities that she will be thrilled with. Instead of shipping her off for a week, so that I can enjoy doing nothing. (Which can be nice in very very small doses,and very far in between!)

By all means, I don't spend every waking moment with my child. I have 4 hours of un-working/un-Anisten time each week. I can get in my shopping, appointments, cleaning, and workouts, all in this planned scheduled time off. Every Friday night she goes to "Me Maw"'s house to spend the night. So my husband and I have a night off once a week. I usually work or run Saturday mornings, and pick her up after.\Things like clean the house, and bills, and blog I still do,while she's home. She knows how to play independently very well. So please don't think I'm a full time entertainer. Lordy knows, no one has the energy for that!  --Nevermind the fact it's not healthy! Nor does it mean that every day is a perfect day. We have days with melt downs, and lots of tears. These are "grow" days. We're learning new boundaries, and acceptable behaviors on these days.



After seeing this, and hearing from other parents who always seem to be "getting rid of the kids" all the time, I just realize how blessed I am to enjoy my child so much! She's a ball of sweet energy. Perfect for our little family. =)

I just can't help but feel heart broken, knowing that this time will never come back and that I need to savor ever second of it.

love.my.girl.

Just because I'm not like you, doesn't make me wrong.

As a parent, I've learned one very important thing. There are THOUSANDS of different parenting styles. Well, which is only appropriate for the different children.

A lot of the thing I do (as a parent, and a person) are more "unconventional" but that doesn't mean it's wrong. Just because one person thinks it's crazy and would never work for their family/situation, doesn't mean that I'm doing something wrong for my family/situation.

One thing I have learned that WORKS is natural consequences. This is tough love people! But, it is teaching my daughter that she has the responsibility to own up to the choice she just made. I promise, that it has an effect on  the choices made the next time the opportunity presents itself.

It's easier for me to see my kid upset by the direct effects of her choices, than just run around spanking her all the time!

There are so many ADULTS who are un-able to handle their own emotions, and frustrations. It's sad to see adults acting out like a 2 year old to get what they want. All because they were never told no. Or they were able to manipulate their way in to whatever they wanted their whole life. These people usually aren't very favored by others. No one wants to be around a full grown toddler........ They usually are unsuccessful, and unfavored.

Seeing this only makes me realize that I want a child/person who can handle "life". I want her to know that she will sometimes hear "No" and it's okay. She can find success somewhere else. It will challenge her to go above and beyond. Instead of throwing a temper tantrum, and looking for handouts. 

Even at a young age she is learning so many things that will go with her through the rest of her life. For this I am proud.

It's okay to let your kids do for themselves. It's okay to let go a little, and let them explore, and LEARN. She will mess up. I will mess up. But that is the best way of learning! I don't expect her to be perfect, but I do expect her to TRY!

Right now, she is playing in her balls. She ask me if she could dump them out. I said "Of course you can, but you must pick them all up." And I know that she knows she has to, because she did yesterday. So instead of getting in a frenzy of " OMG there are a million balls all over the room" I just let her do it. She know that she has to clean them up afterwards. How exhilarating for a toddler??? For once, she is not hearing the word "no" when most of the time, she may hear it when dumping a massive amount of anything out!

We are working on eliminating the word "CAN'T" from our vocabulary. It's hard to teach her to quit saying,when I say it. So this is a learning process for all of us!

So when she says "Mommy, I can't!" I correct her and say " Yes, you can, you just need help" I have learned through this experience that I can always find another way to phrase my sentence so that the word cant is gone.

When we were learning to use the potty, Anisten would be playing or watching tv(something distractable) and just pee on the floor. I know that she knows the sensation, and that she knows when to go, but she was refusing to stop what she was doing, and go. So my solution to this? She has to clean up her mess. And it was a LONG DRAWN OUT PROCESS. I didn't help once. (until she was no longer looking, I would "clean clean" it) I would show her where the towels were. She had to wipe it up. Then she had to put it in the washer, and start the washer. I made it as long of a process as possible. She didn't mind at all, in the beginning, but she was grumbling and whining about doing it after the 4th or 5th time ..... Now, we're over a week free of accidents and almost sleeping with out a diaper! She learned that it was easier, and faster to just go potty and run back to what she was doing. Other than having the tv turned off while she cleaned.
Did I feel terrible while she had to clean it up? Yes, I felt like a horrible drill sargent parent. But now, I'm so happy we did. She had to clean up maybe 10 accidents, but it was a lesson learned!!!! This is where the judgmental parenting comes in--- But, again, Just becuase I'm not like you, doesn't make me wrong. 

I had no intention of even introducing potty training until 2 and half years old. That's still 5 months from now. But she showed interest, so we just took our cues from her.

I've learned that more than anything, as she changes, I have to change. I have to constantly stay on my game and up my parenting! I'm constantly looking up things for her age. We are always introducing new and stimulating things to do that are good for her brain, motor skills, and that are just plain fun!

So, parents you do what works for you and your child! Not what everyone else thinks you should do. Because what works for one, may not work for another. 

Whew! Moms, whatever you do....

DON'T GET SICK!

It's extremely hard when our babies are sick. We feel sorry for them, and want to help them get better in any way possible! But when we fall sick. We just want them to go in the living room and watch Elmo, until tomorrow!

This weekend, I caught what I think was the flu. Extremely high fever, terrible cough, you know all the symptoms. My daughter on the other hand caught a case of the tornadoes! She decided that while mommy is sick, she would destroy the house!

I'm very very happy to have my husband and family to help! Couldn't be more grateful. I literally didn't leave bed for days.

Last night, I got my first little sprout of energy back and what did I do? I swept, yes let me repeat, SWEPT all the toys in to a pile in the living room. I just took my big dust mop that I use to swiffer my floors before I steam them, and walked around the house and put all the toys in a pile. Therefore making it easier to sit, and sort them out, and put them away.

I also managed to get the kitchen and her room clean!

Yay, for feeling better! But boo for being so far behind!

Her Daddy did an amazing job keeping her out of the room so that I could rest. He kept me medicated,fed,hydrated,and stocked up on movies! And he did it all with a great attitude..  A big thanks to my fantastic hubby!
(I got him a gift certificate to get a massage next week as my appreciation)

I was just thinking of how different [like everything else] it is being sick with a small child.

Learning to let go.

Anisten is on her first out-of-state trip to her grandparents house!

I know, you're all judging....right.. now.

But I'm not a horrible parent. This was actually the hardest decision I have made as a parent! But it's my choice, and I have the final say in where she goes and what she does.

I am not really one to pawn off my kid every second I can for my own selfish reasons. I actually enjoy my daughter. I don't look at her as a burden or too much to handle. While she can be a handful some days, I knew that the second I knew I was going to become a parent. I actually look forward to spending my days off with her. Thinking of all kinds of activities to do with her, instead of plopping her down in front of the tv, or a bunch of toys, so that I'm able to have "my day off" ... i've learned that there is no "day off" when you're a parent. Every once in a while you may get a little vacation, but you can't just take days off from being a parent.

Anyways...... So like I said this was the toughest decision to make. I thought about it long and hard before deciding that she is ready to go 5 days with out me. She is independent and secure. She knows that I would not send her somewhere that she will be harmed. She is adaptable. I think that this is so important! She will find much success if she can adapt easier.  I started very young introducing her to different people, and environments, activities. She was 4 or 5 months old the 1st time she rode on a big john deer tractor... And to this day she loves to go to her Nanny's house and ask "I wide? I wide?" on the tractor. She is not too dependable on me. We work very hard to teach her independence. We let her try to figure things out on her own. And while she may become frustrated, she does it. I know that many mothers have a hard time with their kids growing in to independence, and therefore they will stunt that for their own need to be needed, but while I love being everything she needs, there comes a time where she has to learn to be secure in her own abilities. And when she is 25 she will thank me.  I don't want my fears or insecurities to stop her from doing anything that she may want to do. And this was a big step for me too. She WANTED to go. She told me bye bye, she cried when she thought her paw paw was getting in the car with out her. She skyped me last night and thought the scotch tape she was unraveling was much cooler than seeing and hearing me! So this was definitely more about me, and my fears.


Well, I cried yesterday and maybe went in to a mild depression. (not really) But I was pretty somber most of the day.

I started my day off with a run all by myself. I put on my favorite Kari Jobe music and took off for about 45 minutes by myself. I cried some more. All the while realizing so many things that I just wrote in the paragraph above.
I also just scanned  my brain thinking of everything I need to do! i'll have 2 or 3 full days off with out my little love bug following me around the house in my feeble attempt to clean it!

So a few things I will do while she is gone...........

• Clean, and I mean clean my house.
• Take a picture of my clean house
• Organize my "junk room" and make it a descent office, and guest bedroom
• Take the dogs for a walk more than once this week.
• Go to the runner's store and let them analyze my run, and suggest new shoes. ( really you can't do this on your day off with a small child..What would I do with her while I do this?)
• Run in the morning with my husband.
• Get my hair done....Maybe a facial?
• Maybe/hopefully get my Christmas shopping done.

And my list could go on.... It will be Saturday before you know it! Keep Scott Anisten and I in your prayers this week!

I'm..... ME.

I'm a mother, a wife, a cook, a stylist, a housekeeper, a sister, a daughter, a friend.... Through out all of this, it's so easy to forget that I'm still    ME!

Being the observant person that I am, and from personal experience, I realize how easy it is to forget that you are you. You the same person that you were before you were married. Before that sweet baby arrived. Before that career that takes most of your time.  Before life went on and you grew up.

I can attest to the fact that having a kid will make you lose all identity. It's so easy to become so immersed in our day to day busy life, that we forget ourselves. We forget our needs, and our (gasps!) wants. Yes it's okay to want.

I just have to remind myself sometimes, that it is okay to take time for myself! I had to learn to find activities that I like to do for me. Not something I like to do because the baby likes it. There are PLENTY of activities that we will do that are kid friendly.

So just a little reminder to all you mommies out there ( or work-o-holics etc....) to take some YOU time. You deserve it. It's your chance to recharge and rejuvenate. Do the things that you enjoy to do, and are good at! We all have special talents and gifts that we were given.

I know that I don't want to be that mom who is always tired, grumpy, over-whelmed and unbearable to be around. I want to have the energy and excitement to do the things my daughter does and will want to do in the future. If this means just taking time to do something for me, like getting my nails done, or going to borders to get a coffee and blog, go shopping alone, or go for a run, then I will do it. I want to be the best ME  I can be for my loved ones!

There will be a time when my babies are out of the house, or I am retired and not working. What then? What will happen when I've spent my whole life placing my self-worth and entire existence in to being these things,and doing nothing for myself. I want to make sure I'm then healthy enough, and happy enough to move on to the next chapter of my life! I want to play ball with my grand-kids, and still be so in love with my husband that we can take 5 week vacations at a time, and still have so many things I love doing. I will then still be ME.

I know that when Anisten was very young, I just wanted to know that it was okay to take some time for myself. Even if it's just going to sit at starbucks with a book. I just wanted to hear that it's normal to want to be away from my baby, and that it's actually healthy.

Now.......... this blog may be misconstrued as " selfish " My child and husband are my #1 priorities! And they always will be. I'm not a neglectful mother or wife. I fulfill those duties to the best of my ability! But I am still working very hard to keep a sense of who I am. Who my core being is. Tapping in to those special talents, gifts, and desires that were placed in me. It's all about finding that healthy balance! Just like anything else.


What do (or have done) you do that helps with keeping your sanity, and your individuality as you balance all the aspects of life?

couch potato babies

   

I get so many emails about the development of Anisten at each age she is at. So this week, I recieved an email from PAMPERS that has the mile markers and things we should do, or things that might be going on with her at each stage..

This particular article had several things in it that I  could relate to. Things we are dealing with, and some ways to deal with them.

One thing that caught my attention was a link to an article called "Empty Calories" I clicked on it thinking it was probably something related to healthy eating for toddlers or something. I read part of the article, and a few things really hit home with me.

This article talks about the effects of "eating meals while watching TV" 

Watching television during mealtimes is strongly related to obesity in both children and adults. So turn off the TV while you eat, and nip a potential bad habit in the bud. Meals are times for chatter, messy eating, and being part of a family. 

I couldn't agree more. It is part of being a family. It's something that has been taken away from our society all together. It's VERY important. It's their first experience with acceptance. Being part of a great family, and being surrounded by people who love them.

FYI: Not only do children who watch a lot of TV have a higher rate of obesity but they're also at risk for being in poor physical condition and having fewer friends. Now's the time to set things on a different path — no baby couch potatoes! 

Why would we want to increase their, already soaring high, chances of obesity, but also increase the chance that it may effect their social skills?

Now, I don't think there is anything wrong with a kid watching a movie with a healthy/portioned snack. But I think it's important to keep dinner time, family time.

I also think aside from that, it will create healthier eating habits. If we sit down and veg out, we are likely to eat more than we "need" since we are zoned out.

Something I've been trying to work on a little bit, is keeping food in the kitchen. We eat all of our meals at the table ( and in her high chair) and I try to keep snacks and drinks in the kitchen as well. Really so I wont have a huge mess to clean up. But I also don't want her walking around eating. I want her to have the discipline to sit down long enough to eat, and relax.

What are your thoughts on this article? Do you think it's still important to have dinner/family time with out the interuptions of the world? (( NO matter the size of your family, whether it be a single mother, or a family of 10)) Or is this a thing of the past, and it's "just not how things are done" anymore.

Thoughts......

Un conventional parenting?

I walked in to the salon the other day to get my hair done, and the girls were all laughing at me b/c my child on my hip was clenching tight to a celery stick.

They were all shocked that she not only was eating it, but that she LOVES it! I was told that I do things so differently and such.

So this got me thinking. Am I doing things that are just out of the norm?

We definitely try to do a wholesome parenting style

Here are a few things we like to implement

  DIET
. As far as her foods, we like to make her baby food. So there are a lot of things that she hasn't gotten to try yet that just aren't ( or haven't been in season) so the baby has had every kind of squash known to man. She loves them. Lots of sweet potatoes, peas, green beans etc. I just go to my local farmers market and gather up a bunch cook them and freeze them in big bulk. I also only work 20-30 hours a week. So my schedule allows. So if I can save money and assure that my baby is getting great food, why not? We are still nursing, and plan to do so until she is 1, and then I will just let her wean herself from there. She is already done with the bottle. When she does get milk with out me around she just gets it in a sippy cup now. We will continue to keep her on a healthy lifestyle with her diet. I try to keep in mind that she is a kid, and she will want suckers and candy and such. But this doesn't mean that she can have un limited ( anything) amounts of it. I say ( for myself too) 80% healthy, 80% of the time. So that is a little wiggle room. :-)


DISCIPLINE
We will teach her responsibility at a VERY young age. We will discipline ( teach) with natural consequences. The example I like to use is " you picked the neighbors flowers.... Oh no, what toy are you going to re pay mrs. so and so for her flowers? .. Also we are going to write her a letter apologizing for picking her flowers" So this will in a way " humiliate " your child. But it will " humble'' her too. She will think twice before picking something that isn't hers.  Another example I like is " it's time to clean up,  whatever toys I clean up, I get to keep in my room, and I will get to play with them ... Whatever you clean up, you can keep " I bet they will scramble to get their things quick." This is the style we have chosen to go with. It's teaching her to take responsibility not only for her feelings and emotions too. I want her to know that it's not always going to be easy. And that I won't be able to make her feel less in some situations. There for I want her to know how to deal.  It seems preposterous anymore to expect your child to clean up after themselves, or help with the laundry or set the table- But I bet she will learn a life skill of responsibility and have the confidence to make it through life. This is called LOVE AND LOGICS. I've been to one of the classes and really got a lot out of it! I will definitely get the books and the other teaching sessions for sure. I encourage all the mommies to check it out! I bet he is on YOUTUBE also. In this teaching it's about cause and effect. You forget your lunch, you will be hungry ( obviously for older kids) -- Etc.... Natural consequences.

EDUCATION
We also have Anisten enrolled in Parents AS teachers This program is designed for children 0-3. This means you can start before your baby is born. It is through the public school systems and we are designated a teacher who we meet with on a monthly basis...  She evaluated Anisten and scores her based on her skills, age and such. We have monthly lessons, like things we need to work on for each month of age. For instance this month we are working strongly on face features, and walking. So, in this case they are able to tell you your babies strong and weak points and give you exercises to encourage your baby in specific areas. We look forward to this visit each month. Lucky for me, my great friend Jessica is my teacher, and we LOVE her!!! Also this program will transition her in to school, and get her ( and MOMMY) as prepared for school as possible. They offer lots of classes ( such as the love and logic class I mentioned above) and play dates almost weekly.

MORALS
We want to raise her in church just as we both were. These values must be a strong part of her make up. This is something we both feel so strongly about. 


So these are a few of the things that we incorporate into our lifestyle as a family and as parents. I'm just wondering how out of the ordinary is this? We want to make sure she has a healthy well balanced life. And for me that means going above and beyond to do what I can to make sure that she does this.

This doesn't mean at all that I look down on parents who don't do the exact same thing as me. This is why it's called parenting. Everyone has their own style! I love learning new things from other Mommies that I can incorporate in to mine.

So what's your parenting style? What are some things that are important to you as a parent??